I have a bugbear about ‘steps’, ‘frameworks’, ‘essentials’ and ‘one size fits all’ approaches to changing your life/career etc for the better. Part of this stems from my witnessing a friend be a guinea pig for a life coach who then used my friends changes as an example of how her approach works which was entirely different to what actually happened. Another part is caused by my resistance to being told what to do.
Too much ‘poetic’ licence ensues when ‘selling’ becomes the primary concern over real experience. Humans are messy, we change our minds, we have different quirks and respond to presenting situations with such a broad range of actions it is impossible to have ‘one size fits all’. I would love to write/read a book based on reality of experience to shift the perceptions of ‘the perfect way to do something’, to blow the fish out of the water. Most people struggle with change, even when it is clearly in our best interests.
We cycle around an upward spiral adjusting our saddles as we peddle furiously towards that illusive goal and when it is within our sight we ease off the peddling and slip back a little. Our relationships shift, our priorities change, what feels right now might not in five minutes or tomorrow or next week.
Sticking to a rigid plan, that dictates you must follow this in order to gain the results YOU want! I just don’t buy it. I have done, I have stuck to rigid plans, increased my fitness, changed my relationships, created something different but some of these alterations are more like the difference between a quick temporary fix to a dropped hem using wonder web and finally getting around to stitching the hem up.
There is clearly a market for ‘quick fixes’ a HUGE market! Best selling books, workshops, courses, classes and so on.These books are really useful providing context, possibilities and fueling your imagination as to how you might tackle your change, what has worked for others and how this may or may not work for you. But and it’s big BUT, years of working with people supporting them to make changes as well as years of my own personal change leads me to believe the biggest factor in successful change is to find your own path. Test out ideas, try things, be mindful that you are just trying things out and don’t beat yourself up if you struggle to stick to a plan. Your path may well be a combination of different frameworks, approaches and testing out ideas. Just be kind to yourself in the process, life is work in progress, be your own best friend.
Remember that the author of the book may well have had to give the process a happy ending in order to sell the book, its time for a book that acknowledges the messiness of being human, a book that ends on a cliffhanger… there is no one way, there are proven ways of supporting someone to bring about their own change and there are millions of ways to your own personal change. You can create the happy ever after you want, it will (no doubt) involve acceptance of ups and downs, knock backs, celebrations, tears and laughter, kindness, joy and peace of mind.
Tags: acceptance, books, change, City, Connection, create, exercise, fitness, fun, happiness, joy, Life, love, Majella Greene, motivation, positive psychology, progress, quick fix, science, tears, transformation, Urban Woot, workshops
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