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Surrounded by People – Yet Lonely?

When things go a different direction from the expected…

The last few weeks have been eventful to say the least! I have been working in Krakow with some amazing people who provide care and support to women who have been trafficked and their families. What’s this got to do with a ‘Joyful Life’? I hear you ask, simply put our lives are parallel in the city, we see what we want and focus on the things that we desire to experience and miss the parallel worlds of others in the city.

Watch this YouTube video:

Noticing what is going on around you, knowing your neighbours and connecting with people who don’t necessarily ‘move’ in your ‘circles’ may enhance your well being, expand your world and possibly prevent those people from being exploited. Isolation can affect everyone, the city is all encompassing and yet loneliness is possibly one of the biggest factors that negatively impact on well being, even those in relationships can feel lonely (1 in 10 Britons feel lonely).

So if loneliness is so widespread why is it seen as a socially unacceptable thing to say? Admitting to feeling lonely is almost like declaring ‘I HAVE NEEDS!’ which appears to have the affect of declaring ‘I HAVE A CONTAGIOUS TERMINAL DISEASE’, those around you can feel helpless, feel ‘sorry’ for you and run away. Loneliness is not about lack of connection, I would suggest it is about lack of intimacy, you can have 100’s of casual social connections, a few close friends, may even have a live-in partner and yet lack the intimacy and connection which facilitates a thriving life.

cecily-and-kristian-wedding-terryleephotography-0779-900x598Maintaining intimate friendships is difficult, that intense rush of fun and excitement of new beginnings seems to diminish with lifestyle changes, children, moving away, career moves and other shifts in life priorities. More people live on their own, away from family, work longer hours, commute, have less income and struggle to meet compatible partners. Our social connections are frequently defined by social media, how many ‘friends’ do you have?, how many people have ‘winked’ at you this week on the online dating site? These all lead to the impression of ‘everyone’ being well connected, having a fabulous life, well you can see that from the photos posted up and the chirpy announcements of great days, nights out and holidays… How many people are really honest on social networking sites?

Status: “Great night out with lovely friends! Home now and feeling utterly lonely!”

relationshipsSo what is the answer? How do we create intimate relationships?

Start by telling people how you feel, be open to new friendships and relationships that may develop into increased intimacy. The more authentic we are in our lives, by that I mean live in alignment with our values, the more likely we are to attract other evolved authentic people.

Tell the truth quicker, if things don’t feel right to you in your friendships and relationships say it, what’s the worst thing that can happen? The best thing that can happen is an increase in intimacy and deepening of your relationship.

Free yourself from social expectations related to your age or stage in life, choose what feels energetically right for you. Take risks, get involved in new things, be open to new people. Most of all be your own best friend, stop the critical voice inside your head. Imagine if you spoke to your friends the way your critical voice speaks to you…. how many friends would you have? And see other people for who they are, human, messy, complicated, funny, lovable, creative, sad, angry, variable… just like you and me!

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

Mahatma Ghandi


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